I can fix this

As you may have guessed, there are parts of my life that I am unhappy about. My house is a mess, my son tests my patience/sanity every day all day, I am chubbier that I have ever been in my life, and I am constantly cranky, and I feel like a slave to my house and kids. Who am I? Where did I go? Where am I going? It feels to me sometimes that I am swimming in a river against the current. I paddle and I kick the same way every day and I am not making any progress. If anything I am floating down stream. It's exhausting. . .I am exhausted. But I can't quit. These are all things I can't just give up on. My kids need me, my house needs me and I need my health and maybe to feel pretty again. I can't let my life consume me. I didn't ever want to be this way. I drive behind the minivan with the plate frame that says Frannie's mom or Danny's wife and I think to myself "god who are these people, don't they have any identity other than wife and mother?" As I sit here thinking about my life (which I have been trying to avoid doing) I realize I am that person, the only difference is that I refuse to "own" it. I love my husband and I am proud of my kids but I am my own person. In high school I was fun and strange and wacky. I was voted most unique in my AFJROTC class 2 years in a row and when my athletic younger brother came to high school and was immediately more popular than me I was furious when people started addressing me as Aaron's sister.

I know that these are things I can control and I can fix. But when I look up from the bottom of this whole I am in, t seems like a loooooooong way up. I know that I can't jump out, I am going to have to climb. . . . . .And it is going to be hard. I know that there is help out there. Sparkpeople.com and flylady.com are two websites that have, at times, made a huge impact in my life. I mean a website that makes me want to exercise and drink nothing but water, and another that makes cleaning less of a chore and more of something that will make you feel good everyday. . . . .I mean that must be sent straight from heaven. But complacency is a mighty foe of mine and he always tends to win out. Even when I am excited about something.

Diligent baby steps are key. Even when I think or even know that the life change I make is a habit I have to stay DILIGENT. I can't get too excited to take that next baby step either because it would seem that I am easily overwhelmed or at time (ok most of the time) I shift my focus to the new project and let the last project fade into the past. So what should my first steps be.

I think I am going to work on drinking more water everyday (which may sound weird but if you read up on it, it is like a miracle straight from the tap) and Maybe going for a walk around the block with the kids every day. So what will I accomplish with these two tasks. Well that water will make it easier to loose weight, slim down the bloat, make my skin glow and maybe help me to start feelong good about myself again. The walk with the kids holds a lot of potential. Just walking around the block pulling the kids in a wagon is quite a workout for me right now. So I will be burning calories, getting out of the house (weather permitting) and that always make me feel better, and spending some quality time with the kids. With out the tv or computers or phones. Just us. I could use some suggestions for rainy days though. It will need to be something free and easy. Something I can't easily make an excuse to not do. Hmmmmmmm Anybody have some suggestions