Friday, March 12, 2010

What is going on here?!?!

I live a fairly simple life with fairly common stressers, money, parenting, the occasionally deployed husband. It has gotten to the point now that most of the time these things aren't as stressful, but more of a pain in my arse. Life had gotten boring and I was feeling under stimulated so I decided to make a big change in my life, I decided to go back to school as a full time student. Now all of the sudden everything is a stresser. I few weeks ago I blew out my knee skiing, laying me up on the couch for 2 weeks, and calling into question whether I would even be able to go to school. A few days before I was supposed to register for classes I found out that the program that had approved me for 6k of free school money temporarily shut down leaving me in the lurch, so we ended up using money we were planning on using for some much needed family fun time to pay for classes instead. An MRI shows that the knee I thought was getting better, actually has extensive damage and a possible fracture, and will most likely require surgery. It is going to be 3 weeks before I can get in to see an orthopedic surgeon, which seems like a lifetime to wait when you are barely mobile and like an idiot REALLY hurt it again today. Two days after registering and paying for school I found out that the free school money program was opening up again to previously approved students making me think that I had missed it by two days. Luckily I didn't. I can get them to approve payment for my classes and the school will refund me my money which is great and I am very happy about but it is one more thing to take care of in my super hectic life and all of this on top of the fear of failure and the unknown that comes with going back to school....No wonder I can't sleep      

Monday, March 8, 2010

My heart tells me....

I have always been quiet about religion, keeping my thoughts and opinions to myself. And if you would have asked me 10 years ago what I believed, I would have said I don't know, but please don't try to push your god on me. I have never been Christian, I just couldn't wrap my head around it. A few years ago, I started researching religions and found one that just spoke to me. There was no "converting" involved. It was everything I had believed all of my life and hadn't had a name for. . . Paganism. Unfortunately there is a stigma attached to paganism, that made it uncomfortable for me to..well...come out, for lack of a better term. Not that I ever felt the need. I believe that a persons relationship with their deity or deities is a very personal one that should be kept private, but I never want to hide who I am. I don't want to be stashing books or other religious paraphernalia, when people come over, and I will not lie about it when asked. I am very comfortable with my relationship with my god and goddess, I just don't want to be judged for it. I do not believe in the devil or hell. I do believe that all life is sacred, and I believe in the "creed" harm none and do what thou will. But my biggest belief is that paganism isn't the only way. It is what works for me. I will not go door to door preaching my beliefs to anyone. I will never tell anyone that their beliefs are wrong, as I said a persons relationship with their deity is a special one that no one meddle in. I do have one pet peeve, the expression "god fearing" Why should anyone fear their god? The god and Goddess are my friends. I speak to them as I would a friend and I love them, and they love me as friends do. So why the fear?
That said...I will never ever tell my children what to believe. They will find what is right for them when they are ready. I will tell them what I believe, and Cory being a christian, will tell them what he believes. I will help them research Buddhism, Judaism, or any other religion. When they ask me what happens when people die I will tell them that no one knows but different people believe different things, and give them some examples, and then ask them what they think happens. I will encourage them to believe in something and give them things to think about, but their religion will be up to them.   

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